I hate my job

Work is really beginning to interfer with my personal life. I am cranky, irritatable and depressed. I just am never happy at home, like I should be. I try to keep work at work, but when I get home, it's just knowing I have to go back to work the next day that upsets me.

BUT, my goal is to find a new job by December. I found two jobs at our local hospital (I worked in that hospital taking the baby portraits about 3 years ago), so I am going to go home and update my resume (that I haven't touched in 3 years), and apply for those jobs.

Wish me luck!!!

Fertility Spells

I'm not sure if any of my readers here have ever tried a fertility spell before, but I thought that since we've only got 1 shot with this fertility treatment (injectibles) this month, that I could take all the luck/spells/wishes for a positive result as possible.

So, I searched eBay and other websites and have ordered a fertility spell. They have a guarantee, so I am very hopeful.

My husband and I are believers in magic (not magician magic, but Wiccan/Witchcraft type magic). That kind of magic has to do with energy forces and positive energies. Sometimes it takes a professional that does these kinds of spells for a living, for it to be successful (which is why we aren't consulting the books ourselves...we aren't practicers).

Anyhow, I'm really hoping this will be it and we'll see that BFP within a few weeks!!

Canoeing in the Yellow Breeches Creek

Yesterday, DH and I decided to take our dog, Daisy, to go canoeing for the day. It started out nice and peaceful. Dh caught a brown trout and we were heading further down the creek so he could find some more fishing holes and to enjoy the ride.

Well, we tipped over 3 times. My poor dog cannot swim so we had to rescue her, the camera was lost in the water (DH had to go back to the one spot we tipped and found it), we lost a paddle and all the bait. We probably lost more, but we don't remember. I've been canoeing ever since I was little, and this was the first time I have ever fallen out.

Anyways, today I am all beat up. It appears my one toe "jammed" and it's all black and blue. I have black and blue spots on my legs and arms, and cuts all over my feet and my one finger. What a miserable experience.

Anyhow, here's a good picture that we took at the beginning.

Injectibles

This past Wednesday, I officially started my injectible cycle. The first medication we are using is Lupron. I take 20 units daily in the evening. Lupron is supposed to supress my natural hormone production, so that my cycle will be completely regulated by the medications.

The first shot I didn't even feel in my thigh, but last night it hurt and left a little bruise! I'm hoping I begin to get used to shots again, so I can hopefully just do them by myself and not have to rely on DH to do them for me. (I had allergy shots for 6 years and I became so used to needles that it didn't bother me at all....I think it's been too long since my allergy shots and I have become not too fond of getting pricked with them!)

Anyhow, next week I will be stopping the birth control pill and will get a period and then have baseline bloodwork and an ultrasound done. After that's done, I will be beginning the follicle stimulating (Follistim) injections and having quite frequent ultrasounds and bloodwork done.

A week or two later we do the trigger shot, followed by 2, IUI's. If it's successful the first time around, we may just have an April Fool's baby next year!

We are hoping and praying it works first time around, because our insurance doesn't cover any of the treatment, and it's about $2500 per cycle. We won't be able to afford a second cycle!

RE Appointment

Well, it all went really well. The doctor has a plan of action and he said Clomid is not on it anymore. He said my body doesn't react to it, and it would be a waste to go on a higher dose.

The next step (I had bloodwork yesterday), is to start provera to induce a period, then take birth control for 21 days to suppress LH, then take some sort of injection that goes under the surface of the skin for 3 days, then start with the FSH shots for 8-12 days, followed by a trigger shot and 2 IUI's.

It sounded like a wonderful plan until the nurse went over the cost with us. 1 cycle = $4,000 - 6,000. Holy Hell...that's more than what I make in 2 months. We have that amount in savings, but that is supposed to pay our bills while John is doing his career change. So, I don't know what to do now.

My Doctor's Appointment

I WASTED AN ENTIRE MONTH WAITING FOR THIS DAMN APPOINTMENT!

I think that just about sums up how it went. I go in there, speak to the nurse practicioner and was told I probably have PCOS and that I need to lose weight and see a fertility specialist. She put extra emphasis on needing to loose weight and have a "personal trainer" and "nutritionist."

You know what? I am already struggling as it is...I don't think I need to be told that. If I could find a crying face, I'd insert it here. It just really hurts when someone you go to for help tells you that. And for 30 minutes of waiting in the waiting room for 10 minutes of talking in her office, I think my visit should have been free.

I guess on the bright side is that I just called the Fertility Center and I have an appointment there at 1:30pm on Friday...bad part is that all of that money is coming out of pocket.

Power Outage During a Mammogram

I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear? '

I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy... The door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked; and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calm as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'! 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.......

Thought for Today

Why is it that whenever I get a new shirt/outfit, I ALWAYS spill something on it the first day I wear it? Today, the culprit was macaroni and cheese on my new pink shirt.

History Mystery

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

What a busy weekend!

I haven't had the opportunity to write due to a crazy and busy weekend.

First of all, I am proud to say we finally closed the refinance loan on our house LATE Friday night...it was around 10pm. Originally it was supposed to be around 5:30, but the closer called off sick at the last minute, so the next available person was at 10...we stayed up past our bedtime just to get the loan closed! It's a relief. The cash back we're supposed to get is going to be wired into our account tomorrow, so we are excited about that. DH can finally get his motorcycle and I have money for us to get fertility treatments.

The next busy part of our weekend is my poor baby (my Lhasa Apso dog, Karma). During the day on Saturday I noticed she was licking her butt quite a bit, but thought it was just itchy. When it was time to get ready for bed I decided to feel her tail, because it looked really wet and dirty...well...it was matted like crazy! So, I started to just cut out the mats when I noticed that her left anal gland ruptered. Poor thing. Wish I would have looked at her butt earlier to notice that it was swollen and about to rupture, but she didn't do any of the other symptoms (scooting of the rear end or anything like that)...well..I decided to try and wait until the morning since she was sleeping okay. I couldn't fall asleep, so I called the emergency vet about 30 minutes of trying to fall asleep and they said to bring her right in. So...I sat at the emergency vet from 11:30pm - 2am. I was tired and hungry. Luckily, they had an M&M machine in the lobby so I managed to find a quarter and get some candy to tide me over. So, anyways, they fushed out both anal glands, shaved her tushy and gave her antibiotics. All day Sunday she kept by my side (she was hurting....her poor tushy hurt!). So, for the next 10 days I have to give her antiobiotics twice a day and warm tushy compresses twice a day.

The picture above is of Karma getting her warm tushy compress

Refinance

The good news is I finally got someone from the mortgage company who answers my emails and questions very quickly. We are set to close the house on Friday at 5:30, as long as everything goes well tomorrow. The underwriter is supposed to finish it up tomorrow. I'm hoping we have no more delays on this, because both John and I are so frustrated and stressed because of this refi. We're praying Friday will end this nightmare.

Beauty Tip: Wrinkle Removal Recipe

Did you know?
Banana can serve as a great anti-wrinkle treatment.
Mash 1/4 banana until very creamy.
Spread all over face and leave for 15-20 minutes before rinsing off with warm water followed by a dash of cold.
Gently pat dry.

New Book

I just received the book I ordered off of Amazon yesterday (Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler) and I read a few pages and there was a great quote from there that I want to post.

"Why is the vast majority of birth control designed for women to use even though it is men who are fertile every single day?"

Not once had I ever thought of that...but it's so incredibly true! It goes on to then list all the different methods of birth control and there was 14 different methods for women and 3 for men. Amazing!

Fairie Festival?

Well...I just learned where all the weirdos and people who don't fit into our normal society here in York go in May...they go down to Glen Rock to the annual Fairie Festival! http://picasaweb.google.com/fairiefestival/FairieFestival2007
It's next weekend (May 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, 2008 at Spoutwood Farm in Glen Rock, PA) It looks very...ummm....interesting! Wish I had the guts to dress up like a lot of these women/girls! I'd feel a little silly (I think!)

Check out the pictures from last year's festival: http://picasaweb.google.com/fairiefestival/FairieFestival2007

After looking at the pictures and reading about it on their website, it seems to be a good festival to promote the earth, imagination and kindness. Looks like a great event to take your kids too to. Anybody planning on going?

Poll

I added a poll to my blog. As I wrote in the previous post, we are refinancing our house and getting cash out. We are set to close either Tuesday or Wednesday.

DH and I were talking last night and I am not sure whether I should go to the new gyno, or set up an appointment and just spend the extra money at the Fertility Center (www.thefertilitycenter.com). Either place, we are going to have to pay out of pocket. But the Fertility Center is much more expensive, however I don't know which place will give us the best results and will work with us well. We wonder if the Fertility Center would be worth paying twice the amount or not.

So, I figured I'd post a poll and see what everybody else thinks. If you have any ideas or suggestions on what you think we should do, feel free to comment or email me.

Thanks!
Betsy

Beautiful Saturday

Today it was beautiful outside. It was about 90 degrees out (strange for this time of year in PA). DH was picked up by my dad at 7am and they went to Pasadena, MD to work on my dad's sailboat that he got for free. It needs a lot of work, so DH and my dad will spend the night on the boat as well and we will back at home tomorrow sometime....so I have all day to myself.

Karma (my Lhasa Apso dog) and I went to yard sales this morning and found a great bargain for my nephew. We found him a SWING for only $3! My nephew is 3 months old and he didn't have a swing...in fact...he barely has anything...so we picked that up for him along with an Eeyore onsie and we dropped that off at their house (they weren't home though...shucks...I wanted to see how he liked it).

Afterwards, Karma and I went to Lowe's (I should have gotten a picture of her in the cart, but I didn't think of it until now). We shopped for some vegetables, 2 bags of top soil, and some landscape timbers for my project of making a garden in our back yard. After working off and on all day (it was too hot and the sun was too bright...I burn VERY easily..even if wearing suntan lotion so I have to be careful outside), I finally finished making the garden (at 7pm). I haven't planted the veggies yet though, but hoping to do that tomorrow.

And just to update on the TTC....OPK's are still negative! I am thinking of posting a poll to see what my "readers" think we should do regarding gong to an actual fertility clinic or just going to the new gyno. I'll try and figure out the poll thing this evening. Since we are closing on the house either Tuesday or Wednesday, we will have money to go to the fertility clinic if we want...but not sure if it would be worth the extra money or not.

Funny thing I said and husband posted on myspace

Funny Quote From My Wife
"It's not broken, It just doesn't want to work"
She said that while we where talking about her $300+ camera after if fell and stopped working properly. But it's aparently not broken. It just doesn't want to work.

That's pretty hilarious now that I read what he posted and think about what I said. It's completely true! LOL

Thoughts for the day...

I think one of the hardest things to deal with infertility is support. I have no friends in my area, or family, that are going through or have gone through any issues with infertility, or even with TTC.

The thing that is really upsetting is when you see others succeed on the same fertility treatment that you have failed on. You get worried that nothing will work now and feel hopeless...but at the same time happy for those that succeeded on the treatment.

It's difficult to explain what it feels like. I feel selfish for my thoughts and how I get so upset when others succeed...I think that just makes it all worse.

Great Song...great lyrics

Lost - Michael Buble

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were cryin'

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
Then the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognize the girl you are today
And God I hope it's not too late
Mm, it's not too late

'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to change
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly, fly, fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

Wedding Flowers

When we got married back in March, I purchased 100 tulip bulbs to give as our wedding favors. I picked Lee Van Der Mark tulip bulbs, because they were red/burgundy and a whitish/yellowish/ivory color. Our wedding colors were burgundy and ivory. In the past 2 days, the extra bulbs we planted in our yard have begun to bloom. Here's a picture of the first one to bloom

Peestick Photos

I took the Answer OPK around 1pm and got this:



Then I took an IC around 5:30pm and it was pretty darn white...no need to take a picture of it because my camera wouldn't pick up the faint line (my camera has some focusing issues) that was there anyways.

Refinance

This has nothing to do with infertility, but more with stress.

The first company (Lincoln Mortgage) we were going through we decided not to go through with. They emailed me the good faith estimate along with lots of other paperwork I was to sign and fax back. Well, there were 7 major errors on there, and then the closing costs were outrageous (the loan officer said it was a mistake and did correct that, but the fees were still fairly high)

We had another offer from another company that we are going with now (CastlePoint Mortgage). Our loan officer is in the Lending Tree President's Club as they call it. He's really nice and explains everything to us. We are just in what I am going to call....THE TWO WEEK WAIT! We have to wait 14 days until we can close. It gives them time to do the verifications and the preparation of all the paperwork. Who knew there was 2 different "two week waits"?

But anyways, once the refinance goes through we are expecting approx. 20K cash out. That will help with converting our laundry room into a nursery/2nd bedroom, pay off some debt, get DH a motorcycle to save on gas, will pay for DH's real estate fees so he can start his new career, and most importantly, help pay for fertility treatments since my insurance is buttheads and took away all coverage for infertility (they switched insurance companies and they new one said at first that they would cover initial testing and counseling and then they changed their minds and took that away...NOT FAIR...but they did).

Anyways, just had the Lincoln Mortgage underwriter call me and says they can get us the cash and to closing by next Tuesday. I'm so freakin frustrated that I don't know what to do now!!

PeeSticks

I'll be posting pictures of peesticks hopefully daily to show any progress....but I just realized I am just about out of peesticks. That could pose a problem....

An introduction with my infertility history

First...a link to my chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/madkody

I've always had extremely irregular cycles since I was 12 years old. The past 3 years I was on birth control. I stopped taking BC in December 07. My cycles (when I wasn't on BC) would range from 2-3 per YEAR, and when AF would come, it would stay for a while! I have had bloodwork done and also a transvaginal and regular ultrasound done for the irregularity and no one has found a reason for it...I was always given BC to regulate.

So, now me and DH are trying to conceive our first. January, I started 1st round of clomid at 100mcg...did BBT and OPK...no ovulation. Started Provera and then in February started the second round of Clomid at 150mcg. I am now on cycle day 44...no ovulation and just waiting for an appointment with a new gyno. No positive OPKs or anything. I am so terrible discouraged. I just don't get any answers for what my reproductive problems are....and I'm impatient about it.

I am going to a new gyno on May 6th. I'm not even sure if the new doc is going to be able to really help. I'm hoping she can move me on to the shots and a trigger for ovulation.

This morning, if I would have had another temp like the past 2 days, I would have gotten crosshairs...but nope...temp went down. I don't understand my chart either. The first half of my cycle my temps were fairly steady...now they are all out of whack. I don't get it!